How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize