You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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