Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
