Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
