Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
