Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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