Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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