i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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