If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
