why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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