yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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