If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
