Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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