just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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