I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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