M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize