Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize