I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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