Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
