i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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