At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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