How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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