So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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