Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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