just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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