Pants 0. Shit 1.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
