Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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