he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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