Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
