dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
