you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
