I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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