i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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