Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
