I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
