Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
