1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
