and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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