I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
