Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
