i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
