I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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