So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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