At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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