He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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