dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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