on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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