If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
