Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
