oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
