I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
