brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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