my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
