Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
