i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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