I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sobbing to NWA
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
