last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
