the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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