I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
