Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
