um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
