True but thats because hes a fetus.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
