totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
