he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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