All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
