If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
