Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So much rum. So many feels.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
