Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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