idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
