i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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