Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
